Uber Stories

[Symbiant]

Oh another one, I was driving this time..


its probably 5:20pm and Ive got to pick up "Harmony" or "Destiny" or whatever generic stripper name she had I dont remember but I was driving her to Paradise....at 5:20pm so you know this girl isnt prime time material


She hops in the back shotgun passenger side and asks me with the most obnoxious voice "DO YOU HAVE AN AUX CABLE ?"

Now, the nerd in me wanted to tell her it was actually called an "auxiliary cable" but I didnt...


Her: Oh.. thats ok (then proceeds to play the absolute worst not even real reggae off her phone speaker in the back seat off her busted ass Samsung Galaxy on full blast)

Me: Cut eye in the rear-view mirror

Her: Can we stop at an LCBO I need something to drink before I go to work

Me: Sure no problem - we hit up the LCBO at Dundas & Ossington

Her: Gets back in the car and slams a mickey of vodka like a college frat boy just as we pulled up to the location five minutes early for work

This is where you wish you had an auto door open and bank a hard left

[ninery]

Oh another one, I was driving this time..


its probably 5:20pm and Ive got to pick up "Harmony" or "Destiny" or whatever generic stripper name she had I dont remember but I was driving her to Paradise....at 5:20pm so you know this girl isnt prime time material


She hops in the back shotgun passenger side and asks me with the most obnoxious voice "DO YOU HAVE AN AUX CABLE ?"

Now, the nerd in me wanted to tell her it was actually called an "auxiliary cable" but I didnt...


Her: Oh.. thats ok (then proceeds to play the absolute worst not even real reggae off her phone speaker in the back seat off her busted ass Samsung Galaxy on full blast)

Me: Cut eye in the rear-view mirror

Her: Can we stop at an LCBO I need something to drink before I go to work

Me: Sure no problem - we hit up the LCBO at Dundas & Ossington

Her: Gets back in the car and slams a mickey of vodka like a college frat boy just as we pulled up to the location five minutes early for work

[Smurfy]

My worst experience to this point, has been as follows

I took an uber to work one morning in December. Like the fucking coldest day in december.
I get in this car, we take off. Takes about 1 minute for my body to acclimatize to the warm car and then there it is.

THE DANKEST mixture of BO, curry, fucking dead body in the back?
the windows are power locked. Im like dude, you gotta open this window before I fucking choke to death, your car smells like shit.

Dudes like, i cant drop the window.

WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU CANT DROP THIS WINDOW? YOUR CAR SMELLS LIKE THE DEATH OF A THOUSAND FLESHLIGHTS.

i cant drop the window.

My eyes are watering from the burn of the warm car and death stench. I cannot even explain this stench.
every second that passes it gets worse.
its so bad im literally fucking sweating and the hot car is making it worse.
Ive never been more disgusted in my life, and ive been to toronto raves, and the homes of ravers.
theres no way im surviving another 20 minutes of this.

its like 830 am on a freezing tuesday in December, ive been awake and caffeinated for maybe an hour and half and my metre for bullshit is already maxed and im about to cry and vomit in this uber.

We hit a stop light and I bail the fuck out of this uber.
Walk 45 minutes back home in the freezing cold and phoned my day it. Fuck that.


thanks scotty for making me relive this.

[ninery]

We're looking for the best story - spill it

[ninery]

Im not driving anymore, at least until its safe to have strangers or parties of more than one in my car at a time. Too risky

...but people love me as a driver. Im always down to shoot the shit but sometimes people put out vibes that they dont want to talk, and thats cool too.
I see you got your air-pods in that means I can crank this Gowan tune on Q107 a little louder while we be anti-social the whole ride fine by me

[Smurfy]

too many uber stories to list here.

[Symbiant]

Im willing to bet my 4.93 driver rating is better than Pauls though

I wish I could get as silly as that still but my responsibilities prohibit that from happening. But you’re a gentleman to throw a rating like that.

[ninery]

had to stop taking uber unless absolutely necessary. Altho i do hear Bace gives great rides.

Im willing to bet my 4.93 driver rating is better than Pauls though

[Talk Sick]

too many horror stories. terrible drivers with no knowledge of the city, not stopping at stop signs, looking at their phone, smelling like the south end of a northbound camel, filthy cars.

had to stop taking uber unless absolutely necessary. Altho i do hear Bace gives great rides.

[bace]

Almost died three times in one trip. Dude just cranked the wheel at the last minute to catch the exit/on ramps headed to the airport. Cut off and caused three cars to swerve to miss him.

Fucking strongly worded comment for that trip.

[Symbiant]

This is my fav story so far this year!

[ninery]

Anybody ever taken an Uber home from across the street ?


Here's how it went down


At my buddies house watching the Leaf game maybe a seven minute walk away from my place.
Ate way too many edibles
Time to leave (its not even midnight)
Get to Dufferin and I couldnt hack it. The passing cars looked like weird morphing polygons and the sound of the rubber on the road was overwhelming so I ordered an Uber (which Im surprised I was even able to execute)


Car shows up and I get in..


Driver: (excited) Hey man hows it going ?
Me: Good good

Driver: (pushes the accept ride button) ok so we're making an immediate left right here ?
me: yeah man you got it

Driver: (confused)
Driver: and then another immediate left ?
Me: Yep

Driver: ..and then we're there ?!
Me: you got it !